Fear
by pamy
Summary: Bella Swan sits there in silence. Holding her legs close to her chest. Her head between her legs. Awaiting the end she knows will come. One shot. New Moon. Bella's fears. Please read and review.


**I reread the book New moon before I went to see the movie. This story came to me after seeing the movie. Weirdly enough it came to me while watching an episode of Gilmore Girls. Yeah, I know, I can't see the connection either. I guess I hadn't stopped thinking about the movie. My mind is just weird that way. Anyway, I don't have the book with me now (My sister is reading this) so it's possible that there are scenes (memories) and quotes from the book or from the movie (since this one is fresher). Hope you like it. **

**Not really sure where this takes place. Somewhere in the middle of New moon. After she sees Laurent and realizes that Victoria is after her. But before she finds out about Jake and the pack. **

**Please review. Anything you might recognize belongs to Stephenie meyer. Or whovever owns the rights to the movie. I don't own anything. **

* * *

It hit her suddenly. Unexpectedly and harsh. She hadn't thought about what he said. It was as if in that moment,- _standing in Charlie's kitchen, watching the door trough which he just left,_ - her brain caught up. Panic started to overtake her. It was becoming difficult to breath. Difficult to stand.

She started to shake.

Unable to stand any longer she sank down to the floor. She pulled her legs up against her chest and held them closely. As if by making herself as small as she humanely could, she could protect herself. Her breaths were coming on top of each other and she wished she could calm down.

Calm down. Breath. Think.

As soon as she calmed down she would know what to do. But she couldn't calm down. She couldn't even think. She couldn't even move. She was going to come for her – _Victoria – _And there was nothing she could to change that. Nothing she could to do save herself.

She would come. There was no doubt about it.

Flashes of last spring came to her. _Mirrors all around her_. _Her frightened face reflected in each one. His smirk. His taunts. And then the fire. The fire that almost consumed her whole. And Victoria._ Unconsciously she gripped her wrist –_There where he had bitten her. There where he had marked her –_ Victoria who was now coming for her.

She hadn't thought about them in months.

She had thought they has just disappeared. All of them. As if the Cullen's, as if he, had introduced her to a whole new world. A world that had disappeared as soon as she blinked. She had forgotten about the other vampires. She had forgotten she might be in danger. She wanted to move. To run. But she could not move. She could not run.

Trough the panic only one thought really broke trough.

There was nothing she could do. There was nobody left in Forks that could protect her. Nobody that would believe her. She could not protect herself. - _The memory of his strong arms who broke her leg as if it was nothing. His smirk as she screams in pain. In agony. – _There was no way to protect herself against this monster. This monster that belonged in a book but was, unfortunately very real.

She sat still in the same position. She does not know for how long.

She tries to breath. Tries to calm down. But finds she can not. There is no point in it. There is nothing she can do. She is left unprotected. Nobody can shield her from the monster that will kill her. Nothing breaks trough to her mind. In the distance she hears a phone ring. But she cannot move. The answering machine clicks.

She hears Billy voice, far away in the distance.

And for the first time she is grateful to Sam. Grateful because whatever he said to Jacob made him turn away from her. It made him save. This way he will not be hurt. He will not be an innocent bystander. He cannot protect her from this. She hears the entire message, but only one words breaks trough to her.

_Charlie. _Suddenly as if she has had an electric shock she jumps up.

She is still afraid. Still shaking. But a sudden realizations hits her. She can't protect herself. She is left unprotected to a monster who wants to kill her. But so was Charlie. She could not protect him from this either. And unlike her he did not know what was coming. She had not liked the idea of him going after those wolfs. Suddenly it seemed the safest place he could be.

Far away from her. There where he was safe.

She tries to breath. Tries to calm herself down. Tries to find reason, make her mind work again. Find a way to save Charlie, even if she can not save herself. She is not afraid of death. But if Charlie dies she will never forgive herself. A new image springs to mind. _– Victoria smirks as she throws Charlie trough the room. She grabs his arm and bites, bites like James bit her last year, and Charlie screams in agony as the fire consumes him. - _Her body starts to shake violently.

No she will not let that happen. She will not let Charlie die.

She tries to put her mind in order. Tries to work trough her fear. More than anything she wishes she could talk to someone. But there is no one to talk to. Nobody would believe her anyway. The only ones who would have left. They left without looking back. They left her here unprotected. To face a monster who would kill her and everybody she loved.

_Run. _The thought suddenly comes to mind.

Run. Run away from Forks. Far away from Charlie. Lead Victoria away from here. She would die, there was no way around it. Nobody left to protect her. But Charlie did not have to die. Nobody else had to die. If Laurent was right and Victoria wanted her, she would follow wherever she ran. _Run. _Suddenly the shaking stops and she runs up the stairs.

She does not know where the sudden strengths comes from. She does not question it either.

She grabs a bag _– the same bag she used last year, to run away from another vampire – _She does not pay attention to what she grabs or what she takes with her. She grabs a sweater _– the same one she used last year _– and freezes. She can't run. There is nowhere she could go. Nobody that can protect her. And even though she knows she would run. Run away, die and save Charlie's live, she finds she can't.

She can't because she doesn't know.

She doesn't know if Victoria will follow her. She doesn't know how long it will take her to realize she has run away. She could attack the house at any time. Nothing could protect her. She remembers how James used the camera. To film her suffering. So Ed- , so he could see. See how much pain had been inflicted. What if Victoria wanted to torture her?

Torture her by murdering her father. Perhaps even her friends.

Again she silently thanks the gods that at least Jacob has managed to get out of this mess. She lets go of the bag and crumbles to the floor yet again. Sobs break trough and she holds her legs close to her chest yet again. There is nothing she can do. Fear overpowers her yet again. She does not try to stop it. There is no point in it anyway.

Another emotion suddenly breaks trough.

She can't identify it at first. The fear and panic, the sobs that make her body shake violently are enough to handle. She does not realize she feels something else as well. Maybe it breaks trough because she is in such a raw state. Or perhaps Laurent _– Standing in the meadow in front of her. Promising her a quick end. - _Had somehow broken trough to her. As if every feeling she didn't have over the last couple of months suddenly came out.

Anger. _She was angry. So angry. _The anger was perhaps even greater than the fear.

She was angry at herself. Angry for not listening to Billy when he tried to warn her. Angry for not hearing his warnings. _– Warnings he had made because he loves her. The daughter of his best friend – _And angry at them. All of them. They had walked into her life and introduced her to a new world. And when they had gotten bored they had left.

Without a second thought. Without looking back. Without realizing what they had done.

They had left her here alone. With no way of protecting herself. No way of making it out alive. They had left her here unprotected, knowing there was an angry vampire out there. Knowing she would return to Forks. Knowing that she, Isabella Swan, was a danger magnet.

They had made her a living target. And then they had left her to deal with it on her own.

She does not know how long she sits there on the floor. Shaking. Sobbing. Holding herself together. Anger at them raging trough her body. Fear keeping her on the floor. Only the fear of what will happen to Charlie keeps her sane. Keeps her alive. Eventually the shaking stops. The sobs dry down and stop all together eventually. She still sits there holding herself together.

The panic subsides a bit. She can breath a little easier now.

Think a bit better. Perhaps there is something she has missed. Perhaps there is something she has forgotten. Someway to fend of Victoria. Someway to save Charlie. She takes a deep breath and tries to clear her head. She is still scared. She is still angry. But at least her brain is working probably again.

A memory comes to mind. Of a life you lived so long ago.

Fire. Vampires can be killed by fire. She does not think this will help much. Nor does she believe she can get close enough to Victoria to cause any damage. She will not get a chance. Nevertheless, the thought calms her a bit. As if the thought of having something, anything at all no matter how small, that could potentially save Charlie is enough to calm her down a bit.

Enough to make her breath. Enough to make her see.

She jumps up and rushes down the stairs. There has to be a way to make fire. Any way. She searches trough the entire house until she finds what she's looking for. She stares at the lighter in her hand. It's small. It won't be very effective. Nor will it probably in any way protect her. But as she clicks it, and watches the small flame she calms down.

It's enough to ease her panic. It's enough to calm her down a bit.

Enough so that Charlie won't realize. If he doesn't see she is scared he might leave the house more. Far away from her. Far away from danger. Panic bubbles back up and she tries to calm herself down. Taking deep breaths. Wondering what to do now. She looks at the phone in her hand. She can not remember actually grabbing it.

She stares at it as if it can save her life.

In another life, in another time it might have. Then again if they were still here, _- if they had not left her here to die alone. If they had not left her here to deal with Victoria – _she would not need to call at all. She would not feel this fear. Anger resurfaces and she takes deep breaths. She stares at the phone. It can't help her. There is nobody she can call. Nobody that can save her.

She leans against the counter and tries to collect herself again.

A memory of last year resurfaces again. _–The prom. Dancing with Jake. A warning. 'We'll be watching.' – _Billy. She starts dialing his number without really realizing. She hangs up before he picks up. She can't ask him for help. He can't protect her. Nobody can. She would just bring more people into this mess. She would get more people hurt.

There was nowhere left to turn. Nothing left to do.

She puts the receiver down and grabs a hold of the lighter. Maybe if she holds it tight enough it will protect her. With her last will ands strength she starts making her way to her room. In the distance, in the far distance, she can hear the phone ring again. A click and then Billy's voice fills the air around her. She wants to turn around. Ask for help, beg for it.

But he is her father's best friend. He is the father of her best friend.

She will not endanger them. She will not endanger anybody else. Slowly she makes her way to her room. She falls on the bed and makes herself as small as possible. She is shaking again _– in fear, perhaps she is cold as well-_ and starts to cry. She holds the lighter close to her heart.

She does not realize she has fallen asleep.

Her dream is a not clear, not coherent. There is no clear structure in it. It's just a mash of different scenes, fragments and imaginations. _James smirks at her. Laughs as he breaks her leg. Bits her arm. Fire consumes her. Victoria smiles at her. Charlie screams in agony. Jacob screams in agony. Laurent tells you how this is a favor. Victoria will torture you. Your arm is on fire, it will not go out…_

A screams shoots trough the air as she sits up in her bed.

She has screamed many times over the last couple of months. This is the first time she shakes in fear. She tries to breath, but finds again that she can't. She is afraid. She sits up and leans against her wall. Sobs rack her body. She shakes violently. The lighter – _which she is miraculously still holding. As if even unconscious she knew that her life depended on it - _seems so small now. It could never protect her.

She pulls her legs to her chest and holds them there. She places her head between her legs.

Makes herself as small as she humanely can. And waits. She waits for the end that she knows will come. Waits for the vampire that will kill her. Waits for what she knows will come, but she cannot stop. Waits in fear of what will happen to her, to Charlie. There is nothing she can do.

And perhaps that is why she calms down.

The realization that it doesn't matter. She can cry. She can scream. She can shake in fear. In the end it will not matter. Victoria will show up here. And she will kill her. Perhaps even her father. For the first time she is glad that she has not made many great friends in her time in Forks. Nor that she has lost the very few she had in the last couple of months. There is only Angela. Angela and Ben and Jacob. But Jacob is gone to.

The shaking stops. She can breath easier now.

She can't change it anyway. Death will come to her. It will come to her and there is now ay to avoid it. No way to change it. No way to stop it. No way to protect herself. She still holds herself together. Anger and fear still raging trough her body. She does not know what is the strongest feeling.

So she sits there. Holding her legs. Waiting for the vampire that will come for her.

Waiting for the end. The one that will come soon.


End file.
